Orange Part 6

Once we arrived at our beach house, my heart was in my throat doing somersaults and a host of other uncomfortable gymnastic moves. I wanted to race right over to Rick's house, but my parents wanted me to unpack the car. I moaned a little in protest but I helped.

I bolted to Rick's house. I knew it was right before he got back from work and I wanted to surprise him, for I had told him we would be arriving a day later.
I was lucky, the door was unlocked. I snuck in to the house and I waited for Rick on the couch.

When he arrived he was looking at something outside. I did not make a sound and when he turned around and saw me I believe I surprised him a little more than I had planned.

"HOLY SHIT-...TOM!!!" Rick said before shooting over to the couch and tackling me. "OK, so I appreciate the surprise, but for an instant I thought you were a burglar or something; my heart skipped a freakin' beat there. It's OK though, because it's not a burglar, it's you."

Rick gave his award winning smile and I just could not resist, I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down in to a kiss. It lasted for a while longer than our first kiss, but then Rick ended it abruptly.

"Ummm, two things, what happened to 'I'm not gay' and aren't you with Elena?" Rick said a look of almost hurt confusion on his face.

"To answer those in order, I still don't know, and dear god no" I said trying to go in for another kiss.

"OK, I'm still a little confused here Tom, like a day after you kiss me you tell me you're not gay and you get back with Elena. Now you're back here and it's like everything is back where we started at the end of last summer" Rick said while pushing my my shoulder. I was not sure if that was to control me our to keep himself in check.

"Honestly I'm kind of confused too Rick. I hate to play this card again, but I dated someone for a full school year who I knew did not make me happy. I went back to a person who I knew I was not myself with. But this year when I talked to you, I was myself. I was happy. If there is only one thing I have figured out Rick it's that I really like you, and care about you"

Rick was still very close to me, so I went in for another kiss. It only lasted about a few seconds before he pushed me away. He looked very hurt, then he started to cry.

"How the hell do you expect me to just act like everything is OK, Tom? I was so happy when you kissed me last summer, and then you go and date that witch again. It's not as if I expected us to immediately have some sort of relationship, but you certainly crushed any hopes I had when you dated her again. I know that sounds very dramatic, but that's definitely how I felt...crushed"

I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could get a word out, Rick continued.

"Then of course you kept talking to me on facebook like everything was fine, and I acted like it was. It was so confusing, you were all flirty, but you were Elena. You never mentioned her. I spent most of this year feeling guilty and stupid for still wanting you, and thinking we could still. have something. You've made me feel like absolute shit, you know that Tom?"

"I...I'm sorry, I guess I didn't even think about how you were feeling" I said while bowing my head. I really had not even thought of Tom. I had been using both him and Elena to feed my selfishness. I really felt ashamed of my actions, i had spent an entire school year being an absolute dick to Tom, and then I ended the year by breaking Elena's heart, merely for revenge.

I got up and started to walk out, muttering "I guess I'll just go, I'm really sorry..."

Rick wiped his eyes and firmly but softly said, "No, I don't want you to leave, I want to talk about this"


I sort of shuffled back to the couch, still very embarrassed. It probably would have been easier to just walk away, than face with how bad I felt for hurting Rick the way I had.


We sat and we talked for hours. He told me everything that had been on his mind for the past year, and I told him everything that had been on mine. He told me of how much he missed me, and how much it hurt for me to be with Elena again. I told him about how much I hated myself for getting back with her. I knew I had come back to her out of mere convenience, but for a while I was ashamed to admit it. I skirted around the issue until I told myself I just had to say it.


I said it, and Rick was silent.


"Oh, well it's very big of you to admit that" he said after a while, very coldly. It was very unlike Rick. A year had passed and I had not been good to him, so the emotional freeze was slightly expected.


"I don't know what else to say, it sucks, but it's true" I said while bowing my head.


"I know, I'm just feeling a lot, all at once" Rick said, looking very hurt once again. I was tired of trying to console him with my words, they did not do how sorry I was justice. I just moved over on the couch and hugged him as tight as possible. I started to cry, not sure if it was out of shame, or realizing just how I missed the boy I was now holding in my arms.


I took a large shuddering breath, and softly said, "I really am sorry, hopefully I can make it up to you this summer"


"Well, I don't think that's completely out of the question..." Rick said, his smile that I loved creeping its way on to his face.


"There it is" I chuckled softly, still not letting go.


I lay down and led Rick to lie down with me, I snuggled up to him. I was tired from the trip down, and I soon fell asleep.

Orange Part 5

"OK, so about a couple nights ago, I am so, so, so, so, so, SOOOOO, sorry. I have no idea what came over me. I really like you, and I guess maybe I should have just said something instead of making you feel extremely uncomfortable" Rick spat out.

"Wait, so are you, ya know..." I tried to ask, trailing off.

"Gay? Yes, I am. I thought this would have been obvious by now..." Rick said.

"OK, that's cool" I said, not sure of what else to say. Rick sort of looked at me in a funny way and gave me a hug.

"That's the first time I've ever heard someone call being gay 'cool'. Interesting. So we're OK?" Rick said. He seemed pretty desperate to make it all good.

"Well, I mean, you freaked me out a little Rick. I noticed you giving me looks before we watched the movies. I wasn't sure what to think of that, and that's why I was glued to the armchair for the entire first movie. When I got up I told myself I didn't care whether or not you were giving me 'looks', you are my friend and there's no reason I couldn't sit on the couch with you. Then I fell asleep and I guess I put my head on your shoulder, and I woke up and your arm was around me. I moved to the floor and fell asleep and apparently you followed me there. I woke with you right behind me, with your arm around me again. It's not how I expected to wake up, and it weirded me out a little, so I went home" I said calmly. I was not mad at Rick, and I did not want him to think so. I was just confused, up until now I was convinced Rick and I were just friends, but it was clear he wanted it to be more than that.

"Oh well, I- I'm sorry, I really am, it's just, I really like you Tom...and I guess I'll get over it. I still wanna hang out like we do, but I don't know if I'll slip up again, and I don't know how comfortable it will be for you" Rick said, he looked like he was on the verge of tears. I could not bare to see him like that, so I hugged him, I did not care that I was afraid of 'leading him on' or whatever.

"Rick, it's OK, really, like I said I was just wierded out by the suddenness of it all. We can still hang out. I'm not gonna ignore you because of one awkward encounter, you're by far the funnest and best friend I've ever had" I said while hugging Rick tightly. I thought giving him a hug after all this might be a little awkward, but it wasn't. It felt...nice.

"Thank you, you're being really good about this, most guys would flip a shit, call me a fag and leave" Rick said while rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah, I know, I'm friends with those kind of guys back home" I said with a chuckle and a grimace.

"Well not everyone can be as awesome as us" Rick said, a smile finally appearing on his face.

"Oh, so true" I said, smiling back, "you wanna go play some video games or something?" I asked.

"Actually, I'd rather go surfing, it's a beautiful day and the waves are just begging for us to ride them" Rick said.

"Well maybe begging for YOU to ride them, they're more begging to eat me alive" I chuckled, "yeah, that sounds good to me"

Rick went back to his house, I went back to mine, we both got changed and then we met out in front of his house. Rick was beaming at me as he ran towards me with our surfboards.
Despite the awkward talk before, that day was great.
And so was the rest of the vacation in Florida, but the end of July came around, and I had to go home.

Rick and I were hanging out on my porch as my parents packed the car. We both had offered to help but my mom and dad said that they would take care of it. My parents really liked Rick and they liked that he was different from most of my friends.

"This has definitely been my best vacation here yet" I said as we sat on my porch swing and slowly swayed back and forth, just like the waves I had become so familiar with thanks to Rick.

"Well I am very happy to have made it that way" Rick said quietly. It was clear that he was sad about my leaving. I was sad I was leaving too. I had to wonder if his moodiness had something to do with his crush on me. We had not really talked about it since he had apologized for that one awkward evening.

"But really, thank you for an awesome summer. Promise you'll stay in touch?" I said.

"Of course. I'll facebook chat you everyday, whether you like it or not" Rick chuckled half-heartedly. Rick looked so sad, and I did not know what to do.

Then without thinking, I did something.
I put a hand on Rick's shoulder, and another hand on the back of his head, and I kissed him.
I kissed him for a very long time.
I kissed him until I heard my parents coming out the back door.
I kissed him and it felt right.

"I, uhm, I- I'm gonna miss you" I said, desperately trying to recover from what I had just done.

Rick was dumbstruck.

"Tommy, it's time to leave honey" My mom said as she approached me from behind.

My mom and dad both gave Rick a hug before we left. I did too. It was like a hug between two zombies. We were both still very taken aback by what I had done.
Then, before I could really make sense of it, me and my family were in the car and I was waving to Rick, a smile on my face.

About ten minutes later I got a text message from Rick saying, "You kissed me = )"

I responded with, "Yeah, I did..."

"and?"

"I dunno Rick, I gotta say that was not good timing on my part"

"oh so you're saying you had thought about it before? ; )"

"No, that's not what I'm saying, Rick"

"Tom calm down, I was just kidding"

"Oh, ok...I'm sorry, just really confused right now"

"Well discovering you're gay is confusing"

"Rick, I'm not gay"

"then what was with that kiss?"

"I don't know, you just looked so sad, and I didn't know what to do, then I sot of just did, and without really thinking I just, kissed you"

"but you're not gay?"

"not everyone is gay who kisses a guy Rick"

"I know that, it's just that kiss, it felt like a little more than 'just a kiss'"

"I know, I kind of felt that, but...I'm not gay"

"Ok Tom...you're not gay, I have to go to work, if you want to talk about this some more, I'll be on facebook later"

I didn't respond to Rick's last text, I was too freaked out. I could not stop asking myself "Am I gay?". Then I thought about Rick, and how I would not be seeing him for a whole year. Then out of nowhere I began to cry. They were not loud tears, not sobs. Just small sniffles. I did not want to let my parents see me crying, so I went to the back seat and turn my head in to the seats and cried. I then fell asleep.

When I woke up, we were at our hotel for our halfway stop. It was somewhere in nowheresville West Virginia. When we got to our room, I pulled out my bathing suit, changed, and went for a swim. After swimming around in the blue chlorinated water and wishing it had waves in it, I went over to the hot tub. I sat in the hot tube for about ten minutes before my phone buzzed with a text message on the glass table near the hot tub.

It was from Elena.
It was a simple three word text.
"I miss you" it said.

Like a fool I texted back, "I miss you too."

The next day after we had gotten home, I went to meet Elena at a coffee shop we always went when we could not think of anywhere else to go.

"I'm sorry, I was really stupid to break up with you. Once I had broken up with you, and you were gone at Florida, I realized how much I missed you and needed you"

That was enough to get me back. I do not know why, but she was able to get me back with just an apology and an 'I need you'.

I went back in to the person I was when I was with her, pretentious, quick to judge, cold and calculating.

Except for when I talked to Rick online, when I talked to him, I was myself and I was happy.

When the end of the year came around, it was my turn to dump Elena. My turn to break a heart. Because of the person Elena made me in to when I was with her, I was able to just tell her we were done with no explanation. I was not really happy with her anyway. I did tell her that, and that I was not myself with her. I did not like who I was with her, and it had taken me another year to realize that, again.

This did not matter though, because I was on my way back to Florida, where i would be able to talk to Rick in person again, and possibly pick up where we left off.