Friday, May 28, 2010

What Came to Be...Part 2

That chorus room seemed to be crackling with a kind of intensity I had never felt before. I tried to write it off as crazy hormones rushing through my body, but I knew better that Johnny Tracer had an immediate hold over me like no other boy I had ever crushed on. Although, most of the other guys I had crushed on were not all that desirable .

  • There was the dreamy pothead
  • the seemingly nice emo-esque boy I had met at summer camp who dumped me over a third-hand text message
  • the wrestler who swore that although we went on dates, kissed, and talked with me until the sun was back up, was "straight as an arrow"
  • the freshman who took me on a couple of dates, did not kiss me, and then proceeded to say "it's not gonna work" after about a month
  • the other freshman who was entirely too forward and had more experience than ME, which was seriously odd

and now, above all the rest, there was Johnny Tracer, the all out jock and fast talking man's man, who I was falling for harder than Beyonce when one of her heels has broken on stage.

"Hey Alex, you've got some experience with this kind of stuff right?" Johnny said while pointing to his sheet music.

"yeah" was all I could say while trying to suppress a girlish squeal.

"Do you think maybe you could help me with my song? Cause I know Radio Gaga well but I don't know if I've got my pitch right for it."

"Oh"

"...So can you help me?"

"Oh yeah of course, do you wanna work on it now?"


"I can't I've got practice soon, but I have free tomorrow second period, do you have that free then?"


I had gym then, but as we all know, gym is not a priority so I responded, "Yeah, I'll do!"


"Sounds cool man, see ya then" he said as he walked out the door.

He was just as good too look at walking away as he was up front. Those jeans he was wearing did wonders for his 'assets'. As he walked out of the chorus room and I turned back to the piano to keep practicing 'Bohemian Rhapsody' my chorus teacher, Miss Madeline gave me a look that spoke volumes.
"So are you excited for Glee auditions?" was all she said. I knew she was really saying "Oh dear Alex Harting, you have a gargantuan crush on that boy"

But seeing as she was my teacher it would be a little out of line to say a thing as such.

Hours came and went, and it was second period of the next day already. It came surprisingly fast considering I hadn't slept the night before.

I got to the chorus room before Johnny did, and Miss Madeline was now giving another look that said something along the lines of "Alex, this is very nice of you, but what have you been dreaming up about this boy?"

I gave a shrug back that said "Miss Madeline, I don't even know myself"
It really is true that actions speak so much more than words, for Miss Madeline and I had entire conversations that just consisted of shrugs nods and other various and odd expressions.
I waited for ten minutes, and he still had not arrived.
Another ten minutes passed by and Miss Madeline asked me to go make some copies of a song for chorus.
That took about five minutes and when I got back to the chorus room he still was not their.

"Jesus, where IS he?" I muttered under my breath.

"Hmmm?" Miss Madeline replied.

"Oh, nothing I guess..." I said. I rehearsed my song for my audition for the rest of the period and then I went to Pre-Calc once the bell whisked me away.

I was so put off, I had been so excited to help him and then he just blew me off without even saying a thing.
Then there he was, at the window of the door of my Pre-Calc class, waving for me to come out and talk to him.

"Dude I am so sorry, Jamie said he needed help with his APLit. homework and it was an assignment I actually knew what was going on with and I just lost track of time. I feel like a douche cause you totally went out of your to help me. I'll make it up to you, how about we hang out on Saturday? We've got a piano at my house anyway and my ma teaches so she'd probably be able to sight read well enough." He said. He really did look like he was sorry.

"That sounds great, and don't worry about it, I had stuff I had to do anyhow" I lied. That was because I did not want to make him feel bad, especially since he had just invited me over to his house the next day.

"Oh also, bring something you can work out in, I know it sounds weird, but I gotta work out a little Saturday and I figure it would be nice to have someone to work out with me." Johnny said with a smile and what almost looked like a wink.

For a straight boy, he seemed oddly flirty. I was sure it was just my imagination and my deep wanting for him to be as into me as I was in to him, but something seemed quite different from most straight dudes I talked to.

Saturday rolled around, and in between when I had talked to Johnny and when I was at his front door, I was quite hard pressed to find "something I could work out in". My wardrobe consisted mostly of things one would never imagine being sweated on, ever. I was luckily able to steal some stuff from brothers room. It was not like he was using it, he had an apartment by that time, the way I figured any stuff he left in the house was a gift. Plus he always stole my clothes because we were the same size, so he started it.

Before I had chance to knock on his front door I saw Johnny waving to me from the window at the top of the front of his garage. Came down from the top of the garage and opened the door, already glistening and in a pair of gym shorts that did exactly for his 'assets' what the jeans I first saw him in had done for him.

"Hey man! Right on time! I got started a little early; just want to stay in great shape is all." He said almost looking embarrassed for being in such godly shape.

"No worries I don't think I'd be able to work out as long as you anyhow, as you can see I am not near your...uhm, stature" I said rather too awkwardly.

"Nah man I'm sure you can get there twice as fast as me" He said beaming.

"Well I'm not gonna get here standing around now am I! Let's go pump some iron!" I said. I felt so corny, but oh well. Johnny did not say anything he just went up the ladder into the above space in his garage and I followed, getting a wonderful view. He seemed so confident in himself, I knew that is why he did not care about me taking a jaw dropping look at him. He took it in such stride, it was so, endearing.

He started using the rowing machine, I stuck to the treadmill. When he got to his bench he asked me to spot him. I gladly obliged. As he lifted we kept eye contact the entire time, with any other person I would have been weirded out by, but with him felt so right. After he was done huffing and puffing something felt different to me, I felt as if some awkwardness had just slipped away. So to possibly more surprise to me than Johnny, I leaned down and kissed him.

Then to even more of my surprise he kissed me back, passionately. It was odd for he tasked sort of like sweat, but also slightly like big league chew. It was one of the best things ever.
Then he did something even better than kiss me, he held me while we shared that heated and passionate embrace.

We finally stopped kissing, there was a long pause where we just looked at each other, him at my stunned eyes, and me at his sparkling green beauties. Then I said. "Ummm, wait....what just happened?". This was interesting because I expected him to be the one to say this first.
He just smiled.
He smiled at me like he did not have a care in the world, and then he had my heart. I know how cheesy it sounds but it was and is 100 percent true.

"Well dude, it's pretty obvious what just happened. You kissed me, and it was awesome." He said in a very matter of fact tone.

"B-b-but you're straight, right?" I said. I was absolutely befuddled.

"Well...seeing as I think I enjoyed that more than you did, I'm gonna say I may have to re-evaluate that claim." He said as he continued to smile at me.

I envied him so much, I had never met a guy so confident in himself that not even something like figuring out he may be gay could phase him. I guess when you've got everything else figured out in your life, it's easier to figure out things as they come to you.

I was so amazed by him, and I really knew that he was perfect for me in every single way. I did not know how or why yet, but he was none the less. This was not good because now and forever, I was hooked on this boy.

Monday, May 24, 2010

What Came to Be... Part 1

My name is Alex, and to me highschool was an experience. I say this so blandly because at times, it was absolutely phenomenal, but at others it was distinguishably awful. I cannot honestly tell you if this was the hormones raging throughout my body or what, all I know is that it had serious ups and downs.

Now one may ask "Alex why are you dwelling on highschool now that you are a mature adult?"

This is because I did not dwell on highschool, it dwelled on me. More specifically it came back at me at a reunion of sorts.

The odd thing is that "highschool" cam back at me with kisses and love, instead of awful pettiness and immaturity as most people experience at their highschool reunions.

As I had said before highschool was an 'experience' for me because it balanced out both its epic experiences, and it's awful tragedies.
I only call some experiences tragedies because at the time, that is how they seemed. Most of them are quite laughable in retrospect.

Anyhow my funny little story really begins in an English class in which I decided I would utilize my profound musical talents to garner a spot in my schools glee club.
As I prepared my rendition of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" I saw a face different from the usual crowd walk in to the chorus room.
He was a vision in Nike dunks.
But because I was prone to such 'visions' i just continued belting of how I was a poor boy and nobody loves me, courtesy of the wonderful Freddy Mercury.
I could not keep myself from taking a glance or two, just to make sure it was actually who I though it was.
And to my delight and glee (haha, see what I did there?) it was. It the captain of both the soccer team and wrestling team. Reese High's own Adonnis himself, Johnny Tracer.
I felt my high note break as I saw him bend down to get his book bag off the floor after he had asked Miss Marks for the sheet music to "Radio Gaga" so he could audition for the glee club. I am not ashamed of it, it is what guys do, we look slack jawed at sights of absolute hotness.

OK so I will admit, I was quite possibly crushing as hard as I ever could. Which for me was quite impressive considering I had trained myself quite well NOT to do this, considering it gets a boy who likes boys into a lot of trouble in highschool.
It was always the jocks that always got me. They were just so wonderfully muscular. But there was something different about Johnny, he dressed really well, and it always flattered every asset of his being. The fact that he requested "Radio Gaga" for an audition for glee is what really caught my interest.
It was quite an interesting combo, a combo that I absolutely could NOT keep myself from staring slack jawed at.
This is where it all started.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

AHA!

Finally, inspiration has come to me!
Today I kept thinking to myself,
"my blog post was especially sucktackular today, much too whiny and complainy-like"

I asked myself what I could do to make it better for both me and you readers (yup, all four of you)

And it came to me, I had had so much fun writing my little story of Ra Cha Cha and Bob the Locquatious, why should I stop doing stuff like that? It is most definitely one of my best posts thus far, so although i will continue my regular posts, I am now going to spice things up with stories that I write, they are going to be a lot longer though, and much more well thought out.

How A Dream Can Screw Up Most of Your Day

"Oh wow this is a really nice thing that's happening, I am kissing someone I really like, good thing it's real, considering I smell, feel, hear, see and taste everything like I should in real life..."

Wakes up in bed

SHIT

This has happened to me multiple times in my life, but I most definitely had my worst yesterday. I dreamt I was kissing someone who I quite like, but it is quite clear that it's not actually going to happen. I went to bed on Friday night believing I had stamped out my silly little crush on this person, but then what do you know, they pop up in my dreams!

Great, right?

haha yeah, no.

So this leaves me oh so very disgruntled for the rest of most of my Saturday. Also extremely confused was I, for my silly little brain just loves to taunt me.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Wouldn't it Be Nice if We Were Older?

The Beach Boys could not have put this romantic teenage senitiment better. When we teeneagers find someone we believe we love it feels as if we should just be older.
But why? one might ask.

Well there are several reasons:
If a teenage couple were older they would not have to worry so much about a certain action that most parents frown upon.
If older, a teenage couple would be able to live together.
When we are older we get more freedom, allowing more feedom in a relationship.
When we are older, we're much more mature, usually making a good relationship great.
And for those of us teenagers who spend our time on team Rainbow, we would not have to be so secretive (I do not have this problem, but I know a lot of gay teenagers do).

But in a way it is a very good thing that teenage couples are NOT older. We teenagers are not the most responsible or mature bunch. We throw a hissy because we get a bad grade, our parents will not let us take the car, we did not get the part we wanted in the school's production or we are havign particularly bad day and just need to be mad. I have definitely been a culprit of a hissy fit or too myself, so mind you I am not just being a self loathing teenager here, I speak from experience folks.

Now I have met some wonderful teenage couples who I really thought could make it. But then reality happened, and the magic was gone. The reality of it is, even if you are perfect for each other when you are teenagers, you are going to grow apart because you are going to change. I am not comepletely the same person as I was at the start of this school year, and the same can be said for a lot of my friends. Now this is not a bad thing but for a teenage couple, it can be deadly. When we change as we do as teenagers, our perspective changes with us. The same person we had been infatuated with for seven months, suddenly becomes disagreeable and someone we do not want to be with, for the way we view them has changed.
I guess it is perfectly possible that two people can change for the better of their relationship but this is not usually what I have seen.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is in some way it would be awesome to be able to be with the people we like now as teenagers, when we are adults, but unluckily our adult selves would most likely not want anything to do with our teenage infatuations. I may just be speaking for myself here, so please comment and leave your valued opinion!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Fable of Ra Cha Cha and Bob the Locquatious

There once was a magical town called Ra Cha Cha. It was a special town in which the weather was always nice, not too cold and not too hot, if this town were porridge, itwould be perfect for goldy locks.
In this magical town that mother nature seemed to smile upon, there was a townsperson that not everyone liked. This was mainly because this townsperson, whom we chall call Bob, never shut up about the weather and how great it was. No one in Ra Cha Cha wanted to hear Bob's insedious rants because they KNEW the weather was great in Ra Cha Cha.
Whenever Bob went anywhere he would always brag about how great the weather was back in Ra Cha Cha. Mother nature did not like this for she knew that other people int he world would start to get jealous if Bob didn't keep his trap shut, also she had had just about enough of Bob talking about the weather. Bob had a rather nasaly voice that could be grating after a while.

Mother Nature did not want Bob to give people the idea that she was favoring some places over others, she did what she did and thats how it was. So Mother Nature very politely told Bob one day
"Shut it Bob, EVERYONE has had enough of your damn rant about how great the weather here is in Ra Cha Cha. The weather I give you all is a privledge and if you wish to keep it, you will do the wise thing, ease everyones headache and SHUT UP."
ok so maybe Mother Nature wasn't all that polite, but in her defense Bob was REALLY annoying.

Bob was was also extremely stupid, so he had no idea who Mother Nature was, so when he got home, he started to babble on about this crazy lady he met in the park who had threatened him.
"She mentioned something aobut the weather.." Bob said.
His wife rolled her eyes because she knew what was going to happen next.
Bob started ranting about the weather.

Mother Natures pride had been hurt by Bob's comments,
One: he had no idea who she was
Two: he called her weird
Three: he STILL wouldn't shut up about the weather

On any other day, Mother Nature would have simply brushed off such offenses from Human kind, but unluckily for Bob and all of Ra Cha Cha, Mother Nature was having her monthly gift. Mother Nature had thought up this to punish men who had been nasty to their wives and girlfriends, she decided that she would make women become mighty warriors for three days out of the month. It hadn't quite worked out how she hoped and so all she got was women really angry and moody three days out of the month.
Mother Nature had a little laugh about this, but she had no idea that this "monthly curse" would also effect herself.
So because Mother Nature was suffering from her monthly curse, she did a very bad thing to the town of Ra Cha Cha, she cursed them with some of the worst weather, ever.
Some days would be filled ith freezing rain, others with scorching hot sun that was extremely unseasonal. Other days Ra Cha Cha might be plagued by all four seasons in one day.
A couple years after cursing Ra Cha Cha, Mother Nature really started to feel guilty aobut what she had done out of anger to a once pleasant town.
To make up for it she blessed the town with the world's most beautiful and abundant lilacs that would bloom sometime in early May.
The people were so thankful that they threw a festival for the Lilacs each year, and most of the time Mother Nature would arrange for a few sunny days here and there during the festival, because they did say thank you after all.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Destiny

Destiny is just something people come up with to not take responsibility for our actions, right?
right??
RIGHT??

This is how a lot of people view the world, for destiny is a silly notion only believed only by silly children and angsty teens,
right?

In my opinion,
eh, kinda

On one side of the issue, I am all for taking charge of your own life and saying "fuck how it 'supposed to be', I know how I want it to be and I'll work for it"
to me this makes perfect sense, you work for something, so you get it, eventually
of course this can't be true for everything (unrequited love, being something I can think of and am MOST familiar with)

but on the opposite side of Destiny
we are all meant to do something
if we weren't, why would soem of us be better at writing, listening, math, etc. than others?
if there weren't at least a trace of Destiy in all of us, we would not be able to appreciate the "Made For Eachother" romance

"It's like Destiny or something!"


well maybe it is

but the problem with Destiny is we can never really know what ours is, so its quite a hard concept to really believe in, especially if life deals us a crappy hand.
That leaves us asking "who the HELL would plan for my life to be like this???"

In my opinion the philosophy of destiny is more for the more fortunate in life, because it is so easy to thinks things are exactly how they were meant to be when everything is coming up roses.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

TEENAGERDOM PART2, the lighter facts of teenage life

because of our crazy mood swings and hormones we have crazy energy and we have wonderful periods of elation

we have the whole world in front of us, and if we make the right choices, its quite possible that we can do anything we want in it (yes i know its cliche, but witht he right initiative its absolutely true)

we have the gift of youth and vitality, despite the fact that some of us dont view it that way

every new generation of teenagers is more progressive than the last and more open to the new things in this world than the last (i must say my current generation is pretty freakin awesome, so if the awesome is just increasing, be excited)

we are the future, no matter how you spin it

(i know this list is shorter than the earlier one, but, these things are for more important than most of everything in the other)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

TEENAGERDOM, more commonly know as, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST

I really have only two words for the state of being a teenager : it. sucks.

Now don't getme wrong here, I lvoe being a teenager, but it sucks in so many ways.

Horomones are rushing left, right, and sideways

most of us can't stay in a relationship with anyone for any reasonable amount of time

we constantly gossip and stab eachother in the back

people who have been friends since kidergarten grow eons apart

we are busier than most adults give us credit for

we want to be independent, and almost canb e, but we either just aren't there yet, or we are kept in check by parents

our bodies are fully out of whack untill maybe senior year (and even then)
and especially the acne, OH GOD THE ACNE

oh also, lets not forget the promise/stress of the future bearing down on us like a large and scary yet promising ogre



Ok so i'm pretty sure i know what you're thinking right now
"woah, dude, emo much?"

these are just all the negatives, i shall do the positivies tomorrow (see what i did there? i made you want to come back tomorrow!)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Once Upon a Dream

There once was a little 8th grader who dreamed of having a boyfriend, of having someone with whom he would be happy with and love.

He's now a sophmore, and he's still dreaming (not to say he didn't get close to that dream)

but one thing this boy...me, noticed, is that although having my head up on cloud nine may not be the best thing all the time, I drew strength from all my daydreaming of an epic romance.

I now realize after a recent breakup, how strong dreams can make you. I know this sounds corny as hell, but bear with me here, I'm quite sure I have a point. I only realized this because, for a little while I had just stopped my little flights of fancy, but when they came back I just felt all the more better.

There was a palpable difference in me when I did not dream. Also once I got back in control of my daydreaming, my night dreams got better too! (for example no more upsetting drems about my ex, making me feel guilty about breaking up)

I must say, that now that I have gotten back into my dreaming habit I am so much more happy.

Dreams, they are truly a great and powerful thing. In my opinion, they are little messages from our subconcious telling us what we may or may not want from life.

Plus whenever I have a dream I always feel well rested (as long as that dream was good). Does anyone else feel like that?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

school and how it fits in with real life

I am the doorway to the future and the dampener of the present, well most of the time...
What am I?
If you can read, and have minimal deductive skills, you should know the answer is School.

My feelings towards school are so bittersweet, for I must admit that I do love school (if only because it means seeing friends I love dearly), but I 100% HATE homework, which is sadly a part of school.

To me it just seems so unjust because if you look at the adult world of work, most adults never have to bring work home with them, sure there's some paperwork, but that's it.
Mind you I'm referencing your normal job, thsi excludes teachers, doctors and lawyers.

Now don't get mer wrong here, I really like learning, but there are times when homework is the LAST thing on my mind.

All that being said, school is a wonderful place for kids and teenagers to grow, but some curriculums just don't make sense when it comes to the real world.

For example a junior at my school would have to outline and read 20 pages of a textbook, 20 pages of some book for english, answer questions on that book, write a paper, do horrendous amounts of problems for physics and math. And study for a test tomorrow in (insert foreign language here).
Oh and I forgot to mention that this person is most likely either in a sport, club, or theatre production, or possibly a combination of the above.
And don't forget they also are expected to practice some sort of instrument every night.

Now one might ask, why the HELL would somone kill themselves with so much?

The answer is simple, that school that comes after highschool, college.

It is what so many of us aim for (including myself), especially those 'highly prestigious schools'.

To some degree this makes sense, for we all want to ensure the safety of our futures etc., but WHAT THE HELL ABOUT OUR PRESENT? Are our best highschool memories supposed to be of slaving away in front of a computer doing some stupid essay? or pouring ourselves of a pethera of dry textbooks? or spreading ourselves so thin that we eventually break under the pressure of trying to do everything?

So thinking about school, and college, i just wonder, is there any other system we can follow that teenagers get to have some more interesting flashbacks than "well i spent this one night studying for five hours..."?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Parents

We all know they mean well, but why do they have to drive us SO insane?
Just for example, I was just working away at homework and then studying for my AP. The first thing my mother says as she leaves is "you should do some AP review".
I very much felt an incredible urge to yell, "ARE YOU BLIND WOMAN?! WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING??"
but I refrained myself for four reasons:
1. I am currently reading a book that discourages such reactive behavior and encourages self control
2. Respect for my mother
3. I am trying to be less surly with my parents
4. I was getting up to go post on this blog....

but still, parents have quite a maddening effect on us all, teenaged, or adult.

For example I see it all the time with my mother and MY grandmother, and my ma is not afraid to express how she feels about that. I'm not going to mention such complaints out of respect for both, but it raises a question to me, if my mother is just as peeved by her own as I can be with her, why does she not keep this from happening with me and her?

I'm qutie sure I'm getting a little worked up here, but oh well.

I'll leave you with a question and an answer.

What's your biggest pet peeve with your parents?
Mine is them telling me to do things when I have already done them, or AS I'm doing them.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

bad news...

from what i can tell blogger will NOT let me copy and paste from a word document, i do not know why, i am very sorry, but until further notice, the chapter by chapter weekly viewing of my book has been nixed

if you know how to make it so i CAN let you guys read my book, PLEASE COMMENT AND SAY SO