Once we arrived at our beach house, my heart was in my throat doing somersaults and a host of other uncomfortable gymnastic moves. I wanted to race right over to Rick's house, but my parents wanted me to unpack the car. I moaned a little in protest but I helped.
I bolted to Rick's house. I knew it was right before he got back from work and I wanted to surprise him, for I had told him we would be arriving a day later.
I was lucky, the door was unlocked. I snuck in to the house and I waited for Rick on the couch.
When he arrived he was looking at something outside. I did not make a sound and when he turned around and saw me I believe I surprised him a little more than I had planned.
"HOLY SHIT-...TOM!!!" Rick said before shooting over to the couch and tackling me. "OK, so I appreciate the surprise, but for an instant I thought you were a burglar or something; my heart skipped a freakin' beat there. It's OK though, because it's not a burglar, it's you."
Rick gave his award winning smile and I just could not resist, I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down in to a kiss. It lasted for a while longer than our first kiss, but then Rick ended it abruptly.
"Ummm, two things, what happened to 'I'm not gay' and aren't you with Elena?" Rick said a look of almost hurt confusion on his face.
"To answer those in order, I still don't know, and dear god no" I said trying to go in for another kiss.
"OK, I'm still a little confused here Tom, like a day after you kiss me you tell me you're not gay and you get back with Elena. Now you're back here and it's like everything is back where we started at the end of last summer" Rick said while pushing my my shoulder. I was not sure if that was to control me our to keep himself in check.
"Honestly I'm kind of confused too Rick. I hate to play this card again, but I dated someone for a full school year who I knew did not make me happy. I went back to a person who I knew I was not myself with. But this year when I talked to you, I was myself. I was happy. If there is only one thing I have figured out Rick it's that I really like you, and care about you"
Rick was still very close to me, so I went in for another kiss. It only lasted about a few seconds before he pushed me away. He looked very hurt, then he started to cry.
"How the hell do you expect me to just act like everything is OK, Tom? I was so happy when you kissed me last summer, and then you go and date that witch again. It's not as if I expected us to immediately have some sort of relationship, but you certainly crushed any hopes I had when you dated her again. I know that sounds very dramatic, but that's definitely how I felt...crushed"
I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could get a word out, Rick continued.
"Then of course you kept talking to me on facebook like everything was fine, and I acted like it was. It was so confusing, you were all flirty, but you were Elena. You never mentioned her. I spent most of this year feeling guilty and stupid for still wanting you, and thinking we could still. have something. You've made me feel like absolute shit, you know that Tom?"
"I...I'm sorry, I guess I didn't even think about how you were feeling" I said while bowing my head. I really had not even thought of Tom. I had been using both him and Elena to feed my selfishness. I really felt ashamed of my actions, i had spent an entire school year being an absolute dick to Tom, and then I ended the year by breaking Elena's heart, merely for revenge.
I got up and started to walk out, muttering "I guess I'll just go, I'm really sorry..."
Rick wiped his eyes and firmly but softly said, "No, I don't want you to leave, I want to talk about this"
I sort of shuffled back to the couch, still very embarrassed. It probably would have been easier to just walk away, than face with how bad I felt for hurting Rick the way I had.
We sat and we talked for hours. He told me everything that had been on his mind for the past year, and I told him everything that had been on mine. He told me of how much he missed me, and how much it hurt for me to be with Elena again. I told him about how much I hated myself for getting back with her. I knew I had come back to her out of mere convenience, but for a while I was ashamed to admit it. I skirted around the issue until I told myself I just had to say it.
I said it, and Rick was silent.
"Oh, well it's very big of you to admit that" he said after a while, very coldly. It was very unlike Rick. A year had passed and I had not been good to him, so the emotional freeze was slightly expected.
"I don't know what else to say, it sucks, but it's true" I said while bowing my head.
"I know, I'm just feeling a lot, all at once" Rick said, looking very hurt once again. I was tired of trying to console him with my words, they did not do how sorry I was justice. I just moved over on the couch and hugged him as tight as possible. I started to cry, not sure if it was out of shame, or realizing just how I missed the boy I was now holding in my arms.
I took a large shuddering breath, and softly said, "I really am sorry, hopefully I can make it up to you this summer"
"Well, I don't think that's completely out of the question..." Rick said, his smile that I loved creeping its way on to his face.
"There it is" I chuckled softly, still not letting go.
I lay down and led Rick to lie down with me, I snuggled up to him. I was tired from the trip down, and I soon fell asleep.
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