For the first time in a while, I had actually written in my journal. I guess that year I had told myself "oh, well I'm a junior now, I don't need silly juvenile things such as journal'. When the whole thing with Johnny started, I discovered I did not need it, but wanted it.
First thing I did was laugh my ass off at how ridiculous I sounded when I was a freshman.
Then I wrote, about him, it went something like this
"Dear Journal,
I do believe I am falling the hardest I ever have in my life. This is not necessarily always a bad thing, but knowing my history and this current situation I am in, it is most certainly not good.
Hell, I've only know this boy for about a week...but we kissed, and it was wonderful. He looks at me like I am a prince or something...
Oh yeah, I forgot the bad thing...
Up until we kissed I thought he was straight,
but I was feeling rather ambitious, and well he looked so hot lifting, and, well, there was quite possibly a wonderful meeting of the lips reserved only for those epic tales of romance.
Damn, I got off track again, and I did have something else to say.
Johnny is not sure about coming out yet. Which I've told myself is perfectly reasonable, but for some reason my stupid brain won't shut up and stop telling me 'be careful Alex, you know how a closet case can be'
and I do
I was one once
but I want to trust him
but logic dictates I should keep the emotional distance equivalent to Siberia
but I'm aiming more for his backyard.
This scares me, a lot.
Now as I've been ranting I wonder, why the hell have I not told this to the wonderful and magical Riley Gagne?
The answer is my head has been so messed up that I forgot to tell my best friend about my latest crush"
So after this gush session with the pages close to my adolescent heart, I had this same gush session with my awesome redheaded best friend for life, Riley Gagne.
It's hard to describe Riley, she is crazy, hilarious, magical, hardworking, insanely talented, bisexual (so she can get where I come from sometimes) and one of the most awesome friends a person could have.
"Shut. The Fuck. Up." was all Riley said for a while.
"And?"
"YOU KISSED JOHNNY TRACER? YOU LUCKY S.O.B., WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET THE GOOD ONES?"
"Riley, calm yourself. I hope you realize you pretty much just spoke in caps lock." I said with my ears ringing.
"Jesus boy. He was really just like 'hey you wanna come over to my place?'" Riley said, her disbelief not the least bit hidden. That's what I loved about her, I always knew where I stood with her, well accept for that time she pretended to cry and I at first knew she was kidding, but then was so good at it I thought something was wrong.
"Don't just sit there with your gob catching flies! I want to know it all my friend! Give me the juicy deets!" She interrogated.
"I told you everything that has happened. We kissed, we talked about it, he wants to stay with me but doesn't want to talk about it, which is driving me crazy and now we're gonna sing Queen together."
"Tender"
"Oh come one Riley, is that all?"
"I'm not quite quite seeing what you're getting at here." she said with a smirk.
"Are you really going to make me beg?"
she just grinned in a fashion similar to that of the Joker in The Dark Knight.
"Ugh, fine. RILEY PLEASE I NEED YOUR ADVICE ON THIS, MY BRAIN IS STUPID AND WON'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO!!!" I said.
I had practiced my groveling for when I knew I would have to take Riley's advice again after forsaking it two months before.
"Well since you asked so nicely. Here's what I think you should do. Keep going with it and keep your guard up, from what you described, he does care about you. Most guys would have ran with their tail between their legs after an encounter like yours, gay or straight. From what it seems like to me you've enchanted that boy enough to make him suppress his freak out and stick with you. Who can blame him, you are quite the schnazzy dresser."
"God I love you. It's like you live in my head sometimes. Once again I love you, I don't know how you know me better than I do. But now that you have clarified things for me, I should go and find Johnny." I said.
She just nodded like the good friend she was.
"Oh wait, one more thing, you have to tell me how you and Katie are doing later tonight OK? I have to meet this girl! She seems like such a sweety from what you've told me! I can't believe my best friend has had an awesome girlfriend for three months and I still haven't met her, really." I said as I kissed her on the forehead. It is what we did. We decided that because I was gay and could not be her boyfriend, I had to kiss her everyday. Which I did not mind, she was like a sister so it was not weird.
"Go! Maybe you'll catch him all sweaty on the soccer field if you hurry!" Riley said giggling maniacally.
The craziest thing was that that was kind of what I was thinking at the the time among other things.
A thousand other things.
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