What Came to Be...Part 8

I did not focus in class at all, but who could blame me? I had just had the happiest moment in my high school career, screw Algebra. All I could think about was lunch and what Johnny had to say to me. I assumed it would be good, but somehow I was still nervous.
It's funny how three words can mess with your psyche so much.

Before I knew it, it was lunchtime. I had never been so excited to see our school's dismal cafeteria.

"Over here!" Johnny shouted at me from across the room. I just sort of smiled and floated over to him. I noticed he had already gotten me a lunch.

"It's chicken patty today, don't worry I wouldn't have bought you one if it weren't, the rest of this shit in the cafeteria is nasty" He said grinning.

"Yup. So we definitely have to talk. Where do we stand here? I mean I know what we both said, and I know I mean it, and I'm pretty sure you mean it, but then you said you had more you wanted to say and so I got nervous and I really wish you'd stop me now..." I said as I eventually started talking into my lunch.

"Gladly. Now here's the thing. I did mean what I said. The only reason I have more to say is I want to explain all of what that means like you did, but maybe with a couple more breaths and a little slower" he said with a giggle, "You've given me the courage to not care about what anyone thinks about me, you've shown me just what it is to care for someone, you've shown me a side of myself I've neglected since I was a kid, sometimes to me you are the only person in the world, you're crazy talented, you've shown me what it's like for someone to actually care about you, you've helped me discover who I actually am. Because of all this and so much more this is why I love you Alex Harting"

"Kiss me. Now." I responded.

And we did. And we did not care about all the dirty looks we got from passers by or the buzz that came afterwards. As usual there was no one else in the world but us, but now we could have that feeling in public because Johnny had had the courage to stand up for himself and be honest.
The rest of that school year was bliss.
But then, Johnny had graduation.
He had gotten full ride at a great school, in California.
A little far from our resident upstate New York.
So the summer before he left, Johnny and I made the most of what we had left.
We had so much fun we almost forgot he was going across the country when it was all said and done.
Almost...
Then I had my senior year.
Johnny told me he would keep in touch, that we'd stay friends and see each other on the holidays.
For the most part we did, which hurt even more.
I didn't date anyone that year, I focused on my schoolwork and my extra-curriculars. Practically poured my everything in to them.
I had to find a way to get past the past and move on.
Then graduation came around for me.
Riley and I both got into an awesome college in Massachusetts. Her for forensics and me for Neuropsychology.
Once again I just focused on school and other things, Johnny was less on my mind, but ever present in the back of it.
I did not know if he would ever leave.

Guys had flirted with me at college, but I did not pay them much mind. If I ever got really lonely I might kiss one or two, just to make the loneliness go away.
There was one guy who I dated for about half a year who was quite nice. He was a sociology major named Jason. He had jet black hair, black rimmed glasses, chiseled features and icy blue eyes.
He was very nice to me.
But I could never explain to him why I was so distant all the time until one day Riley came up to me as I was staring out a window and said,
"What the HELL is wrong with you Alex? Jason says you've been ignoring him! I set you up with a great guy and this is how you repay me, you ignore him? You know you've been so different since high school. I know we're supposed to change and all that, but you have been so different since our Senior year...oh god, Alex, don't tell me you're hung up on who I think you are!" Riley said in disbelief.

"No it's not him, or at least I don't think it's him. It can't be, I'm stronger than that. I should be over him anyway, we both agreed that it was only logical to go our separate ways. There was no drama, it was plain and simple..." I said not fully convincing myself.

"Alex get your shit together and go talk to Jason, he thinks you're gonna break up with him or something. Believe it or not it is possible that you can have a new person who means something to you. You surely mean something to him cause he's stuck by you during all you incessant sulking. So at least show him some respect by talking this out. You're a big boy Alex, you're a junior in college, I really think you can handle your boy issues without me." Riley said while impatiently fiddling with her fiery hair.

I did not say anything. I knew Riley was right so I nodded and went to Jason's room.
When I arrived I heard Jason playing Cobra Starship, it was the band he always played when he wanted to be in a better mood. He was currently playing one of my favorites of theirs, "Hot Mess". I came in and Jason was determinedly rocking along to the beat.

"Oh! Hello there! I uh, I ummm." Jason squeaked.

"Haha, calm down Jason, I know you're upset, Riley told me. Also, you're playing Cobra which is a sure sign your mood needs improving." I said grinning despite myself.

"Oh, I didn't know you knew that about me...but that's beside the point. I am upset, you've been way to aloof for my liking. I feel like you're off on some distant planet, well that is when you're not buried in your schoolwork or off rehearsing for something. I hate to sound so needy Alex, but I'd like a little more attention." Jason said calmly. The Cobra had clearly helped his mood.

"No you're not being needy at all, you're completely right. I've been disgustingly moody. I've been too stuck in myself to realize it until now. I'm sorry. You've been a great boyfriend, better than I deserve by the way I've been treating you. I'm gonna be better I promise" I said.

"Oh, well that's very mature of you to say Alex. Thank you." Jason said.

Then I kissed him, just to see if I could feel that spark again, and also because Jason was adorable.
I surprised myself and him because I ignited our spark that day.
The rest of our time together was great.
Jason got me hooked on Cobra Starship,
I introduced him to Spring Awakening and some of Queen's less known, but still just as good songs.
We had a lot of fun together.
We spent whole nights just singing like idiots along with our favorite songs.
We also spent whole nights doing other things...that were quite nice. Jason was my first guy who I did 'those other things' with, and I was actually happy about that. He taught me a lot. No not just about 'those other things', but also about myself and how to have fun again.
I had forgotten what real fun was like for so long before Jason.
Maybe I had just lost it, and Jason had helped me find it.
But before we really decided to be very serious with our relationship, it was time for both of us to graduate.
It was not a sad parting.
I was happy for the time I had with Jason. He had brought me back from letting some of the more exciting years of my life slip away.

When I was in graduate school I got more into the club scene.
I do not mean the part of the club scene that involved lots of drugs and sex. I mean the part that was full of flashing lights, sweat and dancing.
I had never really tried anything except for the occasional sip of alcohol, and I never really wanted to try them.

And I was no slut, never was, never planned to be. There plenty of nice guys I knew who were into the whole casual sex thing, but I just did not want to bother with getting into that.

I wanted to know who it was I would be sleeping next to.

I did not date during graduate school at all, but it was because I was too busy. Not because I made myself too busy to forget Johnny. I was perfectly emotionally available, just not physically available.
I was too busy working at my school's master's/doctorate program to worry about a guy.

I was starting to understand what my parents had meant when they said the years go faster as you get older because before I knew it I had a job at a well respected practice in Boston and a decent apartment.

I did not go clubbing anymore, but I still had fun.

Riley stayed in Boston as well and she was doing quite well for herself as well.
She had a partner of two years who was the sweetest girl I had ever met.
She had beautiful brown hair and the kindest brown eyes.
Grace was perfect for Riley.
A couple years later they got married. I had my own practice and loft apartment in the same building.
I was so happy for Riley.
I was also lonely.
I was 33 and I had no one besides my Great Dane Dashel, Riley and Grace.


So I signed myself up for a gay dating site.
The first one was not for me, it was all about the sex.
I then tried a dating site that allowed me to specify who I wanted to date, it was not strictly gay.
I got matched up with some great guys, or so they seemed on paper.
When I met them in person they just were not for me.
I was old enough and experienced to just know if we could work out something good.

Now I know this sounds very businesslike, but to be fair at this point all I had really cared about was work and close friends. So I was used to a strictly business kind of lifestyle. You might think that a person who listens to people for a living and helps them with their problems would have more of a heart after practically mastering his craft, but I guess at that point I was just too emotionally worn out by my job to really be able to give past my psychological career.

After several more months of monotony and mediocre dates I told myself I needed a vacation. And I did, badly.
I originally thought Fire Island, partially for laughs but also because deep down I'm kind of a gay stereotype sometimes.
I eventually compromised on a gay singles cruise to Fiji
At this time I did not have have any particular needy patients so going on vacation was not a hassle at all. Also it was the first vacation I had ever taken in my career, my patients did not complain. The cruise was a very needed escape and Fiji was beautiful. But the beauty was not just in Fiji, but also in the hand that fate had dealt to me when I stepped on that boat.

Johnny was there, on the cruise. I saw him as we were boarding the ship but I did not say hi. I had no idea why I did not call to him. I wanted to but I just could not bring myself to do it. Maybe I did not want to seem like a fool or something. But fate would shove us even closer. At the "Romantic Evening" night we were partnered at a table.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me, this is just too surreal...Alex?" Johnny said with that same enchanting smile of his. He was dressed simply but beautifully, he had on a black shirt with an electric blue tie with a black jacket over it.

"Johnny!" was all I could manage. Even though I had known he was on the cruise, the fact that we were at the same table just made him all the more real again to me. I think my mind just sort of wanted me to pretend he had never even existed, but this instance brought everything back, all the feelings flooding all at once.

Before Johnny or I could say anymore I threw up.

"Jesus H. Christ! Are you OK Alex?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm just...*urp*...feeling a little seasick." I said as I ran to the bathroom. I believe the rerun of my lunch was partially caused by my nerves and also by the wonderful flighty ocean. As I washed my face off Johnny stepped in.

"Are you sure you're OK? You seemed to get seasick right about when you saw me...I'm not sure whether I should be offended or the cooks." He said while tilting his head and chuckling ever so slightly. He was just like the boy I had fallen in love with so many years ago, but more refined and no longer a boy.

"I say we blame the cooks." I chuckled back.
"Right then, you up to dinner, or would you rather me walk you back to your room?" He said sounding like a perfect gentleman.

"Well why not both?" I said grinning at him. He made me feel like a horny teenager again.

"If I didn't know you better I'd think you were coming on to me!" Johnny said with bemused disbelief.

"Well apparently you have some more knowing to do, cause buddy your instincts were right." I said grinning even wider than before, "But dinner first"

It was miraculous, Johnny and I just sort of picked up where we left off in high school, sort of. We of course had tons of catching up to do. We talked a lot about school. A little about guys, but it seemed almost like Johnny had done something similar to me, he had focused heavily on his career and neglected to date very much. I kind of liked that. Johnny had studied pharmaceuticals and business and was now a pharmaceutical rep. We talked about so much more I'm not going to even bother listing it all.

"God you look great" Johnny said with an amazing smile. I just giggled and continued on with our small talk.

The dinner was great, it started with oysters went on to a truly amazing lobster bisque, then a fillet Mignon that was literally like butter. There was champagne that seemed to never end and chocolate covered strawberries at the very end. It was like the cooks we just waiting for everyone at their respective tables to start making out. Johnny and I clearly had that on our minds for we both were giving each other the very same look as on that fateful day up in his garage.

"How about I walk you back to your room hmm?" Johnny said still sounding like a perfect gentleman.

"I would love nothing more." I said. It was like he brought back all that odd teenage confidence that anything could happen and it was showing through. I had not felt so great for a long while. "Here we are, my humble abode." I said as I went in to my room and went to close my door in a teasing manner.

"You think I'm gonna let you get rid of me that fast?" Johnny said in a steamy voice.

"Well I hoped you wouldn't." I said in an equally steamy voice. I then flopped down on the bed of my room. Johnny flopped down next to me and looked straight into my eyes and said,

"You are so beautiful in so many ways, I will never understand why we lost touch, well other than the obscene distance between us." Johnny said quietly and sweetly.

I could not come up with words to describe how I felt at that moment so I used my actions instead. I kissed him just like that day when we were working out when we were kids, with just as much passion and emotion. It was bliss. then johnny was taking of his shoes and his jacket. I was doing the same. Before we got any farther Johnny asked,

"Wait do you have a..."

"Of course I do. Are you kidding me? They have them by the dozens in the droors. It's a gay singles cruise, what do you expect?" I said as I took off his tie and ripped off his shirt, "Sorry about that, I've wanted to do that since high school."

"Likewise" Johnny said mimicking me.

Then:

Belts.

Pants.

Push.

Pull.

Sweat.

Groan.

Fireworks.

I woke up the next day with Johnny spooning me. I would have squeaked out of joy but I was a little too old for that and I did not want to wake up Johnny. Instead I just sat and felt his warmth mingling with mine as I saw out of the window a beautiful green island approaching our ship. Then a familiar sound,

GROOOWWWWWMMMMNNNNNAAAAAA "Huh? Oh Jesus I'm hungry, can we please get room service?" Johnny asked as he rubbed his stomach and the sleep out of his eyes.

"Of course" I responded. We enjoyed some wonderful croissants with exotic jams. Also some chocolate covered strawberries that looked leftover from the previous night. We did not care they were delightful all the same.

We spent the entire day on the beach and the entire night in my room. We did not sleep much that night.

There was a swing dance on the last day. Johnny and I learned some basic steps which we were able to do quite well. We tried some more complicated and just ended up on our butts. We laughed a lot. They gave the crowd some time for a slow dance or two. That night we discussed what we were to do after the cruise was over. Johnny of course had the best solution ever.

"I know what I can do, my company is opening up a new branch out in Boston. I can ask if I can get transferred. They need at least 20 people to leave my company anyhow for the Boston branch." Johnny said with a cute and determined smile.

"Yes! Absolutely! I know this is all so sudden, but would you like to skip the trouble of finding a place and just move in with me?" I asked sheepishly.

"That's kind of what I hoped to do." Johnny said grinning.

"Isn't this all a little too sudden?" I said, doubting myself.

"No Alex, it's not, I was miserable without you. I buried myself in my schoolwork business so I could forget you. For a time it worked and I thought I could find someone new, but then you showed up and it was all so clear. It's always been you Johnny." He said as he grabbed my hands.

"My god I love you, your a prince you know that?" I said.

Johnny made an eeping sound that one would never expect to hear from a very suave looking 30 year old.

A month later Johnny had moved in. We had so much fun and so much, oh, well you know.

Then before we knew it a year had passed, and another. Then Johnny was waiting for me in his suit. A little black box in his hand with a note in it that said "Be mine? Oh also, you'll have to find me."

I kissed and him screamed, "YES! Now where is the ring?!"

"Briefcase, I hid it there earlier, I hoped you might find it during the day with the note attached, but I knew you were busy today so I had a perfectly awesome plan B" Johnny said with a grin.

We are getting married tomorrow on some distant shore. I could not be happier.