The weekend had been a blur for me. I had a hard time convincing myself that Johnny really cared about me, even though he had proved it some ways that fateful saturday. He wanted to be with me, but he did not want to be open and honest about it with others. ALthough this sort of did make sense because discovering he liked me was also discovering he was gay, which is a very daunting discovery. Being gay is so far from easy. Now do not get me wrong, I would not change that part of myself for the world, but it certainly has made life harder for me, so I understood why Johnny was not quite ready to be loud and proud yet.
I mean who wants to have to worry about being called a 'faggot' by their own friends, just because they are finally being truthful with the one's they are close with?
Who wants those awful judgmental glances one gets just for hugging a good friend a little too long because they are 'that gay kid'?
Who wants to be misunderstood just because of a stupid three letter label?
Who wants to have to tell there parents that they are not how they thought they were?
but then again
Who wants to keep secrets fromt the ones we love?
Who cares about a three letter label?
Who wants to have friends we cannot hug for an obscene amount of time?
Who cares about what others think of how they are?
Who wants to have friends that would so easily insult them just because they end up being a bit different?
I knew I could not make Johnny come to whatever decision he was going to eventually make, even though I really wanted to try. It was because for once, a boy actually really mattered to me and I was so scared of losing that.
All of this was buzzing through my head after that Saturday. Before I knew it, it was monday. It was the day of Glee auditions.
I nailed my audition and so did Johnny, even though we never really got around to practicing his song. We both got a callback for Glee, we both went to look if we had gotten it at the same time and we were both so happy that we hugged quickly. Miss Madeline spotted this, and it would not have been much if she had not seen the way I was looking at him the previous week.
Once Johnny had gone away, she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the chorus room.
"Ok Alex, I know" Miss Madeline said flatly.
"Huh?" I said, trying to play dumb.
"I know you like that boy, a lot. Do not play dumb, I've already been through highschool so I've seen and done every trick in the book. I'm just making sure you know that it's probably not going to go anywhere Alex, he is as far as I know, straight correct?" Miss Madeline
"Well that's what I thought at first. Then he invited me over so we could work on his song for his audition and work out a little. I got there Saturday, we worked out a little. Then he asked me to spot him while he was bench pressing, and we just both looked eachother straight in the eye the entire time. Then I just went for it, I had him put the barbell back up, and I kissed him. Miss Madeline, the amazing thing is, he kissed me back. It was phenominal. We talked afterwards he says he is pretty sure he is gay because he's never felt anything like that with a girl. He also says he wants to keep hanging out, and I guess you could call it dating. But he doesn't want to tell anyone about it...but it does make sense considering no one comes out after about two days of knowing they are gay." I said with very few breaths.
"Oh, dear. That was quite a lot. So I guess maybe you are not being quite as silly as I thought you were. But still Alex you should be careful, I'd hate to see you get hurt. You're an awesome and talented kid. Just don't let it get out of hand OK? Oh also, we did NOT have this conversation, teacher's aren't really supposed to get into the student's business unless a student comes to them with a problem." Miss Madeline said.
"I'm trying to be careful, I really like him. And it kind of freaks me out for some reason, so I'm trying to be as careful as possible. And your secret is safe with me." I said half smiling. It was nice to know my teacher cared so much, it made her feel more like a friend that just happened to teach me about how to use my voice. It was very comforting.
The next day at callbacks Miss Madeline had alittle surprise for all of us.
"Ok, so I've decided that because if you get into Glee club you are going to have to work together so much, that the best way to showcase your talent for these callbacks are duets. You all have a week to find your partners, your duets, and rehearse them. The duets do not have to be a traditional duet, you can arrange a favorite piece of music into a duet if you wish. I just want to see what you all can do while having to make it work with another person. Go out and have fun with it! I'll se you all in a week!" Miss Madeline told all the Glee callbacks.
Durign this both Johnny and I looked at eachother and at the same time we mouthed to eachother "We have to do Queen." After Miss Madeline adressed us I asked him,
"but which songs? We've used some of the better ones already. Bicycle won't work. I like Fat Bottom Girls, but I don't think that will go over great." I said, scratching my head.
"What about Somebody to Love?" Johnny said.
"That, is, PERFECT!" I said, "I'll find the sheet music tonight and how about we get started with rehearsing it tomorrow at your house?"
"Sounds like a plan" Johnny said.
I was quite excited by the fact that Johnny suggested Somebody to Love because it was actually the first one I thought of for us to sing. I did not suggest it because I did not want to make Johnny think I wanted to broadcast what happened on Saturday to all the Glee callbacks, even though Somebody to Love probably only meant anything to us, or maybe just me.
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