"So where do we go from here bro?" Johnny said looking like a sweaty lost puppy.
"I have no idea, this is the first time I've ever made out with a straight boy...this is kind of uncharted territory for me. Not to say I haven't been here in my mind, but ya know..." I said.
"Well I don't really know that much man, I'm kind of hoping for you to be my guide here. 'Cause while you may be missing a piece of you're map, I was just handed a blank piece of paper while a dude said 'go ahead, you draw it'" Johnny said, sounding like a Bro-losopher.
I had to be strong for him. I knew I had to. It was not like he was comepletely without and idea of what was going on, but other than realizing that he may in fact like boys I could tell from the look in his eyes he was as lost as Hansel and Grettel as they expediantly approached an ominous gingerbread house.
I was determined to be his breadcrumbs.
And yes I do know how corny I am sounding, but bare with me, I really fell for this guy, and it all eventually has a point. I swear I do.
So acting as our compass I said, "Well we can't just sit here in our sweat, I need a shower desparately, and so do you."
Johnny raised his eyebrow and gave a smirk at me like he knew what I was saying.
"Haha, yeah, no. Johnny believe me I think you're cute but..."
He gave me another knowing look.
"Ok I think you're godly, but this is beside the point, no. I did not mean shower together. What kind of guy do you think I am? I have class, I don't even usually hook up like we just did. I'm a classy gay, I usually take my fellas out on a date. Anyhow what I was leading to is how about we get clean and then we just talk? I can't concentrate when I'm sweaty." I said, keeping my libido in check as Johnny continued to give me that look.
"Oh fine, it's not like my parents are home, but since that's the way you want it..." he said trailing off.
"Yup" I said feeling quite like that mule people so often describe in situations like that.
"You're one stubborn dude ya know that?" Johnny said still with a smile.
"Your point?" I said smiling back, he had broken me. That smile could warm the deepest permafrost of ym emotions into hot chocolate with pink heart marshmallows in it.
"Just go and get clean before I change my mind and do something really stupid"
"Alright man." Johnny said while walking away in such a way that was simply divine.
I waited for ten minutes and then went in to the house to see if he was done. He was waiting by the bathroom, in a towel, and nothing more.
"I tried to make it quick so you had some hot water for yourself" Johnny said giving me that same smirk that so clearly said "Oh I got you, I got you good."
And then that's when it occured to me, I had been warned about that smile before, not specifically his, but that kind of smile.
From what my older friend Harry had told me a smile from a guy like Johnny (we were not talking about Johnny when we had this discussion, but it still applies) meant one of two things
1. This boy may be realizing that he is in love with you
2.This boy is playing you like a cheap fiddle
I mulled that over while I cleaned up. I was afraid that because it was reality and not some cheesy after school special, that it would unfortunately choice number two. I prayed to my non-existent god that it was choice number one.
I got out of the shower, I realized I had no clean clothes, so I adorned a towel.
Johnny was waiting for me, in a hoodie and jeans, with clothes that looked as if they would fit me perfectly. He was giving me that smile again and I knew that choice number one was behind that beautiful smile.
"I thought maybe you'd like these..." He said a little timidly. I could not quite figure out why until I had realized I was in a towel, and nothing else. I could not get him, he seemed so confident in himself, but when I was shirtless and wet he was melted butter.
"Thank you." was all I could say. I got my clothes on, stole some hair gel and quickly styled my hair.
He just smiled at me.
"I look pretty damn good in your clothes right?" I said, it felt almost like his confidence had jumped on to me. I grabbed his hand and I had him bring me to his room. His room was very him, pristine with so much more than surface value. He had an obscene amount of amazing books lining his shelves. Most notably every book and graphic novel by Neil Gaiman, my absolute favorite author. Then there the mementos he had, everything from kindergarten drawings to sculptures made in our school's sculpture class. All of the items I saw were pristine
I asked Johnny what was with all of the knick knacks and he said,
"I like to take good care of my best memories, for those incredibly sucky days, ya know? The way I figure is if you can find a way to smile anytime, you're set for life."
"I totally get that, that's really smart or maybe insightful, not sure which one." I said. He was so much more than a pretty face, he really had some depth to him.
"Anyhow, we need to figure us out before we talk of anything out."
"Agreed"
"Alright then. First of all my position on this is that I am very excited by the fact that you liked kissing me, but I am extremely apprehensive because I believed that you were straight up until about twenty minutes ago"
"I get that."
"Good. I'm also apprehensive because you are cute, really really cute, and I feel myself falling, but I am holding back because we still haven't figured out what has happened yet."
"Well to help clarify. You kissed me, I liked it and kissed you back. I felt something I am not anywhere near familiar with that I liked, a lot. Then I saw you shirtless and I really wished I could have convinced you to that mutual shower Also as I talk to you more, I really enjoy you being with me in any way shape or form."
"I uh, uhm...thank you" I said blushing.
"But here is the thing, despite this, I am scared shitless. I'd never really thought about who I liked to kiss up to this point. I kind of just thought that the girls I kissed weren't that good or that attractive to me, or something. That kiss definitely had something I'd been looking for...but this is not the point I am trying to make. What I'm trying to say is that up until about thirty minutes ago, I was pretty sure I was straight as well. My friends and family are also quite convinced of this as well."
"oh..."
"No no no, you didn't let me finish. I'm not ready to come out yet. It's too early. You and I both know it. I want to keep this going. I really hate to keep this a secret because I know it's gonna suck for you, but once I've figured things out it won't have to be secret anymore." Johnny sad looking very tired.
"It's OK Johnny, I understand. Coming out was one of the single scariest things I've ever done. I get where you're coming from, hell I've been there, in on way or another." I said. I was a little disappointed, but none the less he still wanted to keep things going, and at the time, that was the world to me.
"Really? You're not mad or anything?" He asked.
"God no. Are you kidding me? I kissed a straight guy. I expected cries of 'get off me queer!' or something equally vulgar."
"I've never said anything like that. Shit like that makes me go insane. I guess that makes more sense now. Seriously, you're not mad?"
"How the hell could I be mad at you, you're too cute" I said trying to give my own version of Johnny's smirk.
He just blushed.
I then looked at my phone and noticed I had three missed calls, all from my parents.
"Shit, my parents called me, a lot. Can I get a ride home?" I asked.
"Of course. But first, can I get another kiss? I feel like the more I get of those, the clearer this whole thing will be to me." He said with that smirk that was beginning to get oh so familiar.
I dove at him and gave him the biggest wettest kiss anyone has ever give. this time he did not taste like sweat. This time was even better.
"Jesus H Christ you're good at that. How am I supposed to sleep on this bed now? All I'm gonna think about when I'm on it now is you." He said.
"amlbhasoiahgkmvbpah" was something close to what I said. His flattery was getting to me. I had never met a boy who spoke his mind so well and was so charming.
He raised his eyebrow at me.
"Just take me home." I said with an embarrassed smile.
No comments:
Post a Comment